AUSTIN POWERS IN GOLDMEMBER
Mike Myers, Mike Myers, Mike Myers, Mike Myers, Maurice Micklewhite,
Seth Green, Verne Troyer and Beyoncé Knowles
If you liked the first two installments - or, more accurately, "drafts" - then you'll love Goldmember.
It is an unashamedly deliberate and shallow reworking of The Spy Who Shagged Me on one hand, and unoriginal toss on the other.
Which way you vote will depend entirely on your memory of the previous films, and your patience with knowing in-jokes.
Look: it's funny. I'm not going to lie to you on that count. It's just that, well, it was funny the first two times, too.
In rehashing scenes and characters from the first films, Myers sacrifices all the time he would need to make Goldmember - the character, as well as the film - anything more than a one-trick pony. The film loses most - no, all - of the charm of the first two
installments.
I mean, for God's sake - what does Goldmember actually do in this film, apart from say the word "tight" in a silly voice? Anybody?
It's a shame that Myers et al felt the need to waste three-quarters of the film on the same old material (and telling the audience that you know it's the same gag doesn't excuse it, Mike), because there's a lot to love about Goldmember: the developing relationship between Dr. Evil and his extended family; the beautiful and outrageous musical sequences; Beyoncé Knowles, who holds her own alongside the one-man cast; the opening five minutes; and Seth Green, who is a master comic turn.
It's a well-directed film. The sets are superb. And the music is excellent. But the plot is thinner than diluted water, and Michael Caine wastes everybody's time (and, frankly, if he couldn't be arsed, then he should have been sent home).
This film is for people who haven't seen The Spy Who Shagged Me. This film is for people who don't care what they see at the cinema, as long as it's shiny and colourful, and you see tits. This film is for the people who won't watch black and white films, or subtitles, or anything that doesn't tell you the whole story in the trailer.
It's brash, brainless, and utterly without depth. It's the perfect Hollywood movie.
Expect to see it win Oscars by the arseload.
I'll be over here, watching something good.
Review text (C) Matthew Craig
Originally published in the pop culture magazine Robot Fist